Furniture

     James awoke one morning to find that he could turn himself into a chair. Being a practical man with very little imagination, James did not spend much time questioning his newly discovered talent. At first, he sat quietly in the blandly in the early morning light of the bland apartment, a basic wooden chair with six vertical wooden slats. Curious, he thought. James wondered if he could alter his appearance, or if he would always become a wooden chair with six vertical slats.

     So James got dressed and headed out into the city. In the park, he was pleasantly surprised to become a green and white folding lawn chair. At a department store he became a drably patterned easy chair. The true shock, however came at the local movie house. James bought a ticket and found himself a place near the back. Suddenly the row he was in had an extra seat, and James settled in to watch the film.

     During the coming attractions, a young woman entered the darkened theater and fumbled her way up the aisle, trying to locate a seat. She gasped violently when her shin collided with James. Though painful, James did not cry out, for he had not yet determined if others could hear him when he was in chair form. What followed shocked James so badly he nearly lost his shape. The woman sat on him. An electric tingle coursed through James' nerves and he felt his brain light up like the pinball machine he'd seen in the amusement park arcade. The euphoric feeling flooded through him, nearly washing him away on a wave of pure pleasure. James couldn't help himself. He began to quiver. The young woman's cry of surprise was quickly answered with a chorus of shushing from the other theater goers, and she covered her mouth, embarrassed.

     James barely noticed. He could not get over how good it felt to be sat upon. The sensation was overwhelming and all-encompassing. Try as he might, he could not control the waves of shivering that continually coursed across his body. The woman shifted, unsure about the strange sensation James' miniature convulsions were arousing in her. She told herself to get up and find another seat, that someone must be playing a cruel joke on her, but she did not move. The longer she sat on James, the more violent his shivering became. He felt the woman grip his arm rests, delighted in the sensation of her nylons rubbing against the seat as she shifted her legs. Another chorus of shushing erupted when the woman cried out again some five minutes later. She fled the theater shortly after.

     James sat for awhile, contemplating the experience in drowsy contentment. He had been with a handful of women, but none of those experiences had been particularly memorable, and none even approached the euphoria he felt while the woman sat on him. He waited, absently watching the rest of the movie. He sat through the first twenty minutes of the next showing as well, but much to his dismay, no one sat on him. He left the theater, determined to be sat on again, and soon. While James walked down the street, he tried to figure out the places that would yield the highest chances of being sat on.

     A restaurant, he thought. That's the ticket! James made his way downtown and got himself a table at a relatively busy establishment. When the waitress returned to take his order, she found only a chair, with an extra one inexplicably pushed up to a nearby table. It was approaching dinner time and James sat expectantly. A middle aged couple was soon shown over and the man planted his rather ample posterior on James. The sensation was quite unpleasant and was only made worse as the man proceeded to pass gas throughout the duration of the meal. James left in disgust as soon as he was able.

     Frustrated by his unsuccessful experiment at the restaurant, James headed home for bed. He dreamt that night for the first time in years and awoke Sunday morning with an idea. He would take Monday off and go to a gynecologist's office. He was guaranteed to have a woman sit on him there. James spent the day checking out prospective offices and finally settled on one on 39th street. Monday he called in to work, complaining of the flu, then quickly headed out for the doctor's office. After apologizing profusely to the woman behind the counter for making a wrong turn. James took advantage of her turned back to plant himself in the waiting room. The first woman entered half an hour later, but chose to sit somewhere else. No one sat on James until a little after one in the afternoon, and the woman was in her late fifties. While not as unpleasant as the man had been, James did not really relish the old woman sitting on him.

     He left the office shortly thereafter, much to the surprise of the waiting room's occupants.  James made his way home again, taking the crosstown bus. An idea struck him when he noticed the a few college girls chatting about midterms towards the front of the bus. He would go back to school. He thought long and hard about what classes would maximize his chances and settled on those for prospective teachers and nurses. His flu bought him a second day off and James eagerly found himself a lecture hall to sit in. His patience was rewarded during the second lecture when a short brunette scurried in a few minutes late and slumped down on James. He was immediately flooded with that electric euphoria and made little effort to control his shivers of ecstasy. The girl shifted and quickly turned her gasp of shock into a coughing fit. James found this amusing, but was quickly lost as another wave of pleasure engulfed him. He began to quiver more furiously and he delighted in the feeling of the girl clenching her knees against him. She excused herself to the bathroom after suffering another coughing fit some ten minutes later. She would not be the last student to excuse herself from the lecture hall that day.

     James returned home elated. He was determined to go back the next day and do it all over again. He figured he could quit his job and enroll at the college. Then he could spend all day as a chair. His boss was surprised to receive James' letter of resignation the following day, as was James' landlord when James informed him he would be moving out. James spent the next six weeks in various lecture halls and classrooms, being sat on by hundreds of young women. He made sure to never be in the same place two days in a row, so as not to arouse suspicion. He spent nights in his dorm room, pretending to study while he merely fantasized about being sat upon. His success rate was remarkably high. After a few weeks he determined the best place to position himself in a classroom or lecture hall and he only had a handful of unpleasant experiences. One day, about halfway through the spring semester, disaster struck.

     James had set himself up in an elementary education class when Herman Wannamaker, a defensive lineman for the college's football team chose to sit on him. Herman was six foot six and weighed close to three hundred and seventy-five pounds. Thirty minutes into the lecture, James felt a blinding pain course through him. He heard a creak, then a crack and suddenly Herman was lying on the floor behind him. It took a few seconds to realized what had happened. He was broken. The pain was excruciating  but there was no way he could revert to human form in the middle of a class. How would he be able to explain the sudden appearance of a severely injured man where a broken chair had just been? After the professor ascertained that Herman was okay, he asked the giant to take the broken chair out into the hall. Herman gathered up the broken pieces of James and deposited them in the hall. The shock of seeing his broken pieces was too much for James, and he lost consciousness. He awoke in darkness, with a low rumbling sound all around him. Light dazzled his eyes a short time later, and the leathery face of Mr. Correale, the janitor filled his field of vision. Mr. Correale pulled James' broken form from the garbage can. James was too disoriented by pain to even consider reverting to human form. It was too late when he realized what was happening. Mr. Correale had already closeed the door to the incinerator when James regained control of his senses.

     Later Mr. Correale would tell one of the other janitors, a Mr. Livingston, that he swore he heard a man screaming from inside the incinerator the night he burned the chair Herman Wannamaker broke.